Uncle Jesse...Cremation and Mayhem... God Rest His Soul

My husband's Uncle Jesse married the love of his life, Irene, at The Plaza Hotel, in New York City. They lived a wonderful life together. She passed away from that awful disease known as "the C word", and his heart was broken.
After her death, he moved to be near his sister in a small town in Alabama. We all loved having him there when we would go and visit my mother-in-law.

This move was indeed a culture shock for him, but he enjoyed being with his family, and being born in Tennessee, he had a little small town in him and so I believe he was happy there.
He passed away not to long ago, following a heart attack, and our hearts were broken. We immediately left for Alabama to help with his funeral arrangements and to be with family.

I'm not sure exactly how I became part of the funeral planning committee, but when it was time to leave the house for the funeral home, I found myself among the three nominees for the job. The three consisted of my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law's husband, and myself.

We pulled up to the place the family had chosen to handle everything for us, and we were met at the door by a relatively young man named "Josh", who introduced himself as the owner, and invited us into his office.

Now Josh was very friendly, and he informed us that Uncle Jesse was in Birmingham, at the moment, because he had chosen to be an organ donor. He said that he would be brought back there the following day. So far, so good...

My mother-in-law then removed the insurance policy from her purse and announced to Josh that Uncle Jesse had requested to be cremated, just as his wife had been. Josh then reviewed the policy and informed my mother-in-law that the policy only covered burial, not cremation.

He gave us the price for the cremation, and then we inquired about the cost of the viewing room and casket rental. Well the costs were more than my mother-in-law expected, and this must have shown on her face, because that's when Josh got all small town on us....and let me say before I go any further that I could not make this up...

Josh looked around the room at the three of us and he said, in what seemed like to me, a car salesman voice, "Tell you what I'm gonna do. I can lay Mr. Hatcher on a metal table, that's what we lay 'em on to prepare 'em for viewing, and, I can pull a sheet up to about here (giving us a visual, by laying his arm across the top of his chest), and I can roll him in to the make-up room, and you can look at him for free."

I immediately gripped the sides of my chair in an attempt to remain conscious and in an upright position. I could see my mother-in-law's face as she contemplated the idea. After realizing that my sister-in-law's husband was going to remain silent, I had no choice but to intervene.

Just as I was opening my mouth to speak, my mother-in-law turned to me and she said what do you think? I wanted to respond with "I think we have just entered the twilight zone", but having been raised right, I instead composed myself as best I could, and told her that I didn't think Uncle Jesse would want us to see him like that. When she still appeared to be giving the idea some thought I knew I had to just speak up. I turned to Josh, and I said "Josh, as much as we appreciate your kindness, we are going to forgo the whole make-up room offer and Just have the memorial service.

Josh just smiled and said "well, alright". He then reached down under his desk and pulled out a small plastic box and announced that Uncle Jesse's remains would be brought back to them in a container like the one he was holding. This box looked very cheap to me. I inquired about a nice urn by asking him if they had any there available for purchase that we could see.

His response? "No we sure don't, but you can go right on over to Hobby Lobby and get you one. They've got some nice ones." At that point, I had lost the ability to speak, as my processing wheel was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Uncle Jesse's funeral arrangements were going to include a trip to a hobby shop.

I continued to sit quietly as things like who would be officiating were planned and before I knew it Josh was shaking our hands and we were on our way out the door.

We were heading back to Uncle Jesse's house when my mother-in-law said "we have to go to Hobby Lobby now.".
Well my sister-in-law's husband said he needed to be dropped back off at the house, because he had something else to do, and was already running late.

I knew at that point that I needed back up, because this whole process had begun to be over my load. I pulled my phone out of my purse and called my daughter, who was back at the house with my husband and son. I informed her of our little shopping excursion, and told her that I expected her father to be front and center on the driveway in two minutes to fill the seat in the car that would be vacated by my Sister-in-law's husband.

As we pulled up to the house, both my husband and daughter were waiting, but she evidently hadn't informed him of the plans, because he looked at me and said "what's wrong? Where are we going?" I said "Hobby Lobby, get in!".

During the short ride, I let my husband know that we were going to purchase an "urn" for his uncle's remains. Due to my mother-in-law's presence, I spoke in a tone that I hoped would convey that this was where everyone went to make such a purchase.

We pulled into a parking space, and as my husband was getting out of the car with my daughter, my mother-in-law said she was to upset to go in after being at the funeral home. She said that we could just pick one out and it would be fine. I saw a buck passing opportunity at that point, and said to him "I think I'll just sit with your mom and let the two of you go in. The funeral home was quite a lot to deal with."

They returned to the car a few minutes later having made a purchase. My husband pulled it out of the bag to show it to us. It was very nice and in what I would call "manly" colors. My Mother-in-law immediately asked him how much he had paid for it. He said "don't worry about it Mama." She said "I want to know. How much was it?" He told her that he had paid 75.00 for it.

As I was convincing myself that the urn was nice, and that we could just super glue the lid on after placing Uncle Jesse's remains inside, and telling myself that after all, it was only temporary, (he had requested that his ashes be spread in a New York location, with the remains of is beloved Irene's)...My mother-in-law spoke again.

She said "Give me the receipt.". My husband said "What?". She repeated herself, and he then asked her why she wanted the receipt. Her response made me aware that I was definitely in the twilight zone, and it was not a short episode, it was a movie version.

She said "I'm going to return it after the service.". All I could think at that point was Dear God...No! I turned to my husband with a look that said seriously???? He said "Mama, you can't return this after Jesse's ashes have been in it.", and her response to that may have trumped Josh's make-up room offer.

She said simply "I can rinse it out.". Needless to say, for at least the second time that day, I was stunned into silence. My husband then looked at her and said "Mama, we are not going to do that.". She wasn't giving it up, and because she was already upset, I told him to just hand her the receipt, and whispered to him that we'd figure out a way to get around the "rinsing out" later.

We managed to make it through the rest of the "planning" phase, and the morning of the memorial service arrived.
As you may have guessed, my husband and I arrived at the funeral home/Chapel still lacking a plan. As we entered the front door, Josh was there to inform us that Uncle Jesse's remains would be arriving at any moment.

We proceeded into a viewing room, that had been provided for the family to gather, and a few minutes later I spotted Josh out of my peripheral vision, and he was holding the small box that I knew contained Uncle Jesse.

I bolted over to where my husband was standing, and I said, with much urgency, "There's Josh and he's holding Jesse, do something!!".

We then walked very briskly over to where Josh was standing, and my husband signed for the remains, took them from Josh, and kept the line moving right out the front door. I was following my husband and I realized he was making a hasty retreat to our car. I said "What are we doing?" He said "The only thing we can do.". I said "which is?", because at that point I lacked the ability to buy a clue. He responded with "I'll show you.".

He proceeded to open the trunk of the car and placed Uncle Jesse's remains inside next to the Hobby Lobby bag containing the urn. He then opened the bag and removed the urn, placed the lid on it, and closed the trunk. I glared at him in shock and horror.

I said "You've just closed Uncle Jesse up in the trunk, and since his memorial service isn't scheduled to be held here in the parking lot you had better get him out.".

He looked at me with the look of a man that said I have made an emergency executive decision and you need to just get on board with it. As the situation gained clarity for me, and I realized my husband's intent, I had to stop (donkey Girl Scout that I am) and pray for forgiveness for the two of us, although, I wasn't even sure we had sinned. I did recognize the fact that I had just become an accomplice.
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We then marched ourselves into the Chapel, my husband holding the urn, and placed it in it's place of honor, so as to represent Uncle Jesse's presence at his memorial service.

Absolutely no one was the wiser as the memorial service began, but I couldn't hear a word being said above my own thoughts, and there were many...
Things like..
We are like criminals..
We've gone all Bonnie and Clyde on this situation..
This is sooo disrespectful...
We are sorry God...
We are sorry Uncle Jesse...
up to and including......Dear God I know where the remains of the body are hidden...

I don't know if God and Uncle Jesse understood that we had to protect the future shoppers of Hobby Lobby, but I have to hope so. I do know that Uncle Jesse had an amazing sense of humor. I have heard that some people attend their funeral/memorial services in spirit, and all I can say is Uncle Jesse forgive us...and if you saw us..well...You know your sister, and I hope you laughed all the way to Heaven.

Your ashes were mixed with those of your beloved Irene, who left before you, and scattered where, and as you requested.

Rest in peace with all of our love and the love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We will miss you very much and you will live on in our hearts always....