Football: Coaches ...Y'all Listen Up!

Several years back , during my substitute teaching years, I accepted a job at a local high school where I  covered a gym class for a couple of weeks.  The first day,  I admit, even the process of  figuring out what to wear was a challenge.  After several outfit changes, I settled on a running suit, jacket left open, with a  matching t-shirt underneath.

I should have known I was in trouble when my daughter, a teenager at the time , had to tell me to “lose the pearls.”.  At any rate when I arrived I was informed that the class was made up of the football team and surprise, they were working on plays.

Football at the time was as foreign to me as sleeping in an igloo.   I had nothing.  The class began and they informed me that after attendance we went outside to “run plays”.

 That’s when one very vocal young man told me that I was to remain in the position of “Center” for the entire time.  I thought, well that makes sense.  I will be in the middle of everything and I can keep an eye on all of them.. So I said fine, you can show me what to do when we get outside.

As it turns out, the center is the one who hikes the ball and the quarterback places his hands right up between the Center’s legs so as not to fumble the ball.   Oh yeah, the vocal one that told me I was to be the center, he was the quarterback.…those kids had jokes.

At any rate, after those two weeks were done, I began to take a bit more interest in football and learning what it’s all about.  I watched more games and I even started a fantasy football league and have continued to do so every year.

These days I know quite a bit more than I did back in my “Center” days.  In fact, I have a few tips for the coaches out there….there are tips here for Coaches of teams of all ages , professional, college , high school, middle school and little league.

Coaches, y’all listen up…

Coaches of children…if it is 100 degrees outside or anywhere near that number, the children can’t run until they vomit and then be made to continue to run.  The body can only handle so much …heat strokes and worse have happened….take those babies inside and teach them about good sportsmanship, playbooks and the love of the game.

Offensive Coaches…if you are continuing to run the ball up the middle, and it’s NOT working…and I’m not talking about two or three plays. I’m talking about year after year, season, after season…You have another option (shocking, I know).  Put it in the air.  Pass it.  You can actually score this way…I’ve seen it done.  Some Coaches actually apply this tactic…but for the ones who don’t....Trust me. Try it.  If you are in a paid position you may actually keep your job. 

Defensive Coaches.. if your linemen are blocking like a bunch of high school girls during a powder puff football game, get new players…Send the old ones packing…you can’t make them want it.

All Coaches…This is an important one…If you are one of those that completely loses your cool on the sidelines after a bad play or call…Please know this…We, the fans, can see you....Whether we are there in the stands, or watching from the comfort of our home, and Crazy eyes are not very unbecoming.  So get it together…look tough, not crazy…set your jaw and keep your game face on!

Coaches and Owners… In the case of the NFL players of all positions …if they aren’t getting the job done with what they get paid to do it,  then trust me when I tell you, there is someone else a little tougher and hungrier out there that will!!  Get your trade on.

Another tip for not only the NFL Coaches and Owners, but for the Commissioner…No one wants to watch criminals play football!!! If they are beating women, stealing things, or getting arrested for other reasons not listed here..brace yourselves…They CAN be replaced….People want to watch a football game played by respectable men that young boys can look up to, not a game that looks like a reality T.V. version of the longest yard.

I admit that I have a lot to learn about the game, and I’m working on that.  Who knows they may actually have women coaches in the NFL one day and I’ve got to be ready…

West Palm Beach With My Girls

I recently went on a trip with my twin sister and two of my best friends to spend time with another of our friends at her condo in West Palm Beach.  We had the car loaded down with suitcases containing clothes for all occasions, shoes, hair products, and every cosmetic known to man.

The road trip alone was so much fun.  We laughed and sang as loud as we could along with the radio, and we told lots of stories that began with remember when….

When we arrived at the Condo, the concierge (my friend lives fancy) came out with a rolling cart for our luggage and we were still singing and laughing. That night we all hugged, laughed, and remembered more, and then we paired up for bed and called it a night.

We spent the next few days entertaining ourselves and doing whatever our spirits moved us to do.  We ate great food in nice restaurants and we shopped from City Walk to Worth Avenue.  

While at City Walk, in an absolutely adorable candy shop, my twin sister stopped suddenly and began a Temptations style dance routine because My Girl was playing. I mean she was taking it around town, finger snapping and all...  Oh yes…video taken and posted.

We also made time for water fun and games.  Our trips to the beach were pretty much uneventful, unless you count the fact that on our way home we recorded ourselves singing Redneck Crazy “Wide open”, as my Daddy would say. Video taken, and posted.

As luck would have it, there is a hot tub and huge pool at my friends condo, which couldn’t go unvisited.

We pretty much behaved ourselves in the hot tub.  I’d call our time spent there group therapy.  We talked about our relationships, our children, and life in general.  We of course got nothing sorted out, but we felt better for having talked about it.  Truthfully, all I probably managed to do was confirm that I'm 3 bales of crazy.

Our time spent at the pool was a bit more entertaining.  I was sitting in my chair catching a few rays, when I noticed three of my friends out in the center of the pool having what looked like a rehearsal of sorts. I lowered my sunglasses and upon closer inspection I was able to ascertain that they were in fact choreographing moves for  what appeared to be a  dance...

As the scene unfolded It became clear to me that they had decided to go all Esther Williams on the situation and perform a synchronized swimming act. I have never seen so much arm waving and feet kicking in my life They were circling and moving there heads this way and that...All they needed were swim caps and matching suits...  Don’t you just know what I had to do…Yep…video taken and posted.

We were sitting around one evening putting on enough makeup to make Dolly Parton proud when we came up with the idea to gamble.   Hollywood, Florida... Hard Rock Casino.. Let’s hit it… Money was lost and money was won and we had yet again another great evening.

During that week we shared clothes, accessories, Makeup, and laughs.  With the all the fixing up and sharing of rooms we all saw each other in our birthday suits at one time or the other, which prompted discussions about body image and all that entails.

 I had a wonderful time that week and was reminded how very important those friendships are to me.  I love you all my dear sweet friends, and I hope that we find ourselves on a beach somewhere together again real soon…So work on your routines and charge your phones for video taping….I might call any day now and say “Road trip Ladies... It's go time!"

You are all forever in my heart…

Daddy's Little Girl

I have written in the past about my Mama and all that she has taught me, but I learned quite a bit from my Daddy too.

First let me say that my Daddy is most definitely not the man that he is because he was taught by example. His father was, in my eyes, a pathetic excuse for a man. He was abusive in every way shape and form, as well as a non provider...as in no food, clothing, etc..for his children.

I shared that with you so that you have a clearer understanding of why I think my Daddy is so amazing.. He is the man that he is because of his personal character, not because he was shown by example.

My Daddy never spanked me or any of my siblings, and yet we knew when he said that was "enough", it was enough. It was that simple.

He took us to church as a family, and on Mother's Day every year he got a corsage for my Mama, Granny and for his little girls. When he'd give me that rose every year I was so happy. I just love that my Daddy was the first man to give me flowers.

Our cabinets were always overflowing with food, as were the freezer and the refrigerator. This was back before any of the large wholesale chains existed, but as I grew older I understood the reasoning behind the huge stockpile of food. His children were never going to be hungry like he had been in the past.

I have been with my Daddy when he left boxes of food on the porch of someone that he knew needed it. He would always say that we should never mention it because it might embarrass the person, or make them feel bad. He taught me kindness towards others,and to be generous when others had less than you did, and to do so humbly. God warns us not to toot our own horns and my Daddy knew that.

He taught me that sometimes silence is better than the fight. My Daddy is not a fan of violence but somehow he conveyed through his silence that should it ever come to a physical altercation, he would without a doubt be the winner.

He taught me that vengeance belongs to the Lord. He taught me to stay out of trouble, and to be the best person I could be. Many times I have seen my Daddy take the high road.

When I was about 8 years old I hit a softball and broke a window at one of the neighbors houses and the man came out and screamed at me until I cried. I went home and my Daddy asked me what was wrong and I told him about it. He hugged me tight and told me the next time any adult started yelling at me, for any reason, run to him and he would handle it. The next thing he did was go over to the neighbors house and let that man have it in a big way for screaming at me. He told him that if he decided to scream at someone in the future, it had better not be his daughter. He then repaired the window. He made me feel safe.

He took us fishing when we were little. He bought us all new fishing poles and when we got to the lake I was the first one that he set up. He baited my hook, cast my line out, and showed me how to reel it in. He got my brother and sister set up and as he was working on setting his line, I caught a brim.

I reeled it in just as he had shown me, yelling for my Daddy the entire time. I could see my Daddy running towards me but there was one problem. I hadn't reeled the line in short enough to control it and the brim was flipping around. That was freaking me out, and just as my Daddy was about to reach me the fish flipped and slapped against my leg...well that was it... I threw rod, reel, brim and all in the lake. My Daddy just stood there beside me as it sank to the bottom.

He was silent for a moment, and then he knelt down beside me and he said "Sugar, just watch your brother and sister.". He taught me patience.

He worked very hard to take care of Myself and my four siblings. My Daddy provided for us by installing flooring. I have seen him come in from work and lay his money out bill by bill across his dresser to let them dry while he showered, because they were wet from the sweat of his labor. I never knew what it meant to need anything and not have it.

My Daddy has always been there for me. I have had many times in my adult life in which I have been overwhelmed and when this happens I go to my Daddy's house and I sit on his front porch and rock with him or sit in his garage while he piddles around working on something and we talk. I call this "turning myself in". In those moments all of my cares seem to go away, and I am just for a short while taken back to the feeling of being his Little girl and he is in charge. It is an amazing feeling.

My life was quite disastrous about a year ago, and I felt sure everyone was talking about me. I went right to my Daddy's. He knew what was wrong before I ever got there, and that was good because when I pulled up to his house and saw him sitting outside all I could do was let the tears flow.

He just looked at me and pointed to the chair next to his, and he said "Sit down sugar". I sat down and then, at 70 years old, he wrapped his hand around the arm of my chair and pulled me closer to him. He looked right into my eyes and he said two things. First he said "Do you have it right with God?", I said yes sir, and then he said "screw everyone else.".

He followed those things up with "I have an extra bedroom in there (as he nodded toward his house), and you always have a home here with me. Needless to say I cried harder. He put his arms around me and let me cry. When I was done, and had dried it up, I thanked him for being the most amazing father and then I got in my car and I thanked God for letting him be my Daddy.


Thank you Daddy for being such an amazing man, for always making me feel safe, for being a man of God, having such great character and class, and for setting things right with your mere presence. You are forever my hero and I love you beyond words...Always

Artist...God

A mother as she holds her sleeping child....

The bluest skies, sometimes pure and sometimes scattered with the whitest clouds.

A single rose found where you least expect it.

A tree covered by Wisteria to the extent that it simply drips lavender.

Trees draped in Spanish moss which as they are  touched by a Summer's breeze sway every so slightly.

Dogwoods in pinks and pure white...  Azaleas in full bloom displaying the brightest magenta...

Magnolia trees heavy with their large white blooms resting under a beautiful moonlit sky.

The most gorgeous sunrise or sunset that presents itself as the back drop for waves that are gently rolling into white foam caps as they travel inland from where the sea appears to meet the sky.

Honeysuckle vines in full bloom that permeate such a sweet sweet smell.

The colors of the leaves on the trees in the North Georgia Mountains in the Fall.

A landscape blanketed in snow and completely undisturbed...pure beauty.

These are just a few examples of what I call God's Artwork.

 There are and have been artists in this world who had and have great talent and whose works have been

labeled masterpieces.

I will say that the great works of those artists are both amazing and beautiful, and are without a doubt to be appreciated.

I however, see God's works as awe inspiring, gorgeous, breath taking  works that cannot be duplicated

by even the greatest of artists.  They are created in real places and are there for us in real time...

They are to be cherished and appreciated by us in the moment in which God presents them to us.

Each and every day we encounter God's amazing works and for me these are beyond all doubt the true

and indisputable masterpieces....

Do yourself a great service....

Stop and enjoy these masterpieces as God puts them before you...soak them in.....

Be Still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10

Small Talk

During a recent conversation with my grand daughter I was reminded of how wonderful and entertaining it is to have conversations with small children.  She and I were talking about her starting middle school in the fall and she asked me how it differed from elementary school.

I told her that I thought the academics were a little more difficult, but that she was very smart and didn't have to be concerned about that.  I also told her that the drama level for girls of middle school age was elevated and that if she had a secret, such as liking a little boy, she should trust no one, unless she wanted the information to be shared.  Finally I told her not to be surprised if the boys appeared to be a little more obnoxious.

As I finished the last statement, my grandson, Colton, who is five years old, spoke up.  He said "Gigi, boys can't be mean to girls. (he obviously could tell that obnoxious was a derogatory term).  I said they can't?  He said "No.  They can't hit girls, or fight girls, or wrestle girls.  They can only kiss them.".  At that point I just had to grab him and steal a hug and kiss of my own.  I said you are absolutely right Colton.

This little conversation with him reminded me of one I had years ago with his sister, Victoria.  She was five at the time also, and she was spending the night with me. We were getting ready for bed and she climbed up on the bed beside me, and she said "Mimi I want to tell you something."  (Colton calls me Gigi and Victoria calls me Mimi)  I said sure baby, you can tell Mimi anything..

She said "well, there is this boy in my kindergarten class at church named Harrison, and I think he's really cute.".  I paused and caught my breath and then I said I met Harrison at your Christmas party and he is a very cute little  boy.

Then she said "Yeah, but I'm not going to kiss him though."  After another gulp of air, I said your not?  She said "No..I'm not.  You've got to like them 100 to kiss them and I only like him 88."  

I just about cracked up, but instead I managed to say that it was very smart not to kiss him, and that 88 was definitely to far from 100 to even think about kissing him.   I then explained that she would probably be a whole lot older and closer to being married before she liked a boy 100.   I hugged and kissed her goodnight and she fell asleep.

when I was sure she was sleeping I called my daughter.  She said "hello.".  I said Amber, I am calling to let you know that there is about a twelve point differential between you and disaster over at the church.  "She said "Mother, what in the world are you talking about?."  I gave her a replay of the conversation Victoria and I had just had. and she said "Oh my God.  What am I going to do?"  I said nothing.  You don't have to do anything at all...weren't you listening?   She only likes him 88..."  She said "Mother I'm serious."  I said I am too.  I was laughing of course.

These priceless conversations are treasured moments in my life and I wouldn't take anything for them.  If you have children or grandchildren please do yourself and those children a favor and listen to them.  It is so worth it....Never forget they are amazing gifts from God and that we are beyond blessed to have them in our lives...

and always be available for "small talk"....

Small Town Charm And Chicken Feet

For the past several months I have been in what I will call "Small Town USA",  working on some family  owned rental houses.  The town is much smaller than the one that I live in and I have noticed a few "quaint" differences.

There is small town charm here in the form of  smiles and waves from strangers.  The people all seem to know and look out for each other.  I know this because I have actually walked into a store and before I even uttered a word, have the clerk say  "Y'all ain't from around here are you?".

I have also noticed that there are some "cultural" differences.  The other day I was in the local grocery store and came upon one such difference as I perused the meat counter.  I was strolling along and there it was.
Nestled right among the chicken...I saw it.....there was a moment of processing......I glanced again...it registered... and then ...Total internal freak out,  accompanied by an extreme case of nausea!!

There were Chicken feet packed and labeled to be sold...literal chicken feet...cut off , claws included and all splayed out ...I wanted to run, but suddenly I realized I needed to document this or no one would ever believe me.    I reached into my purse and grabbed my iPhone.  My proof was going to be in the form of photographic evidence.  I took a quick snapshot and fled the store.

I left for two reasons.   The first one was that I had a huge fear that if I stayed  the nausea would progress into a more physical reaction...and two because I needed to sit down and try to ascertain the purpose behind what I had just seen..

Moments later I was sitting in my car thinking what in the world would anyone in their right mind do with those things?  Surely to God no one ingests them. This was followed by a random thought.... Lord if they cut off the feet of chickens back behind that meat counter what else goes on???

This thought only served to increase my nausea and so I redirected my thinking back to trying to discover the purpose behind them being there. After already deciding that there couldn't possibly be a human being that would attempt their consumption, it suddenly came to me.

There must be people in this town that think they are witches or warlocks...They use them for spell casting. You know, like fire up your cauldron...add garlic cloves, eye of newt, and Chicken feet...stir and cackle...

I had the entire scene playing in my mind, incantation included...After calming down and giving this more thought than it probably deserved, Quite frankly, past spell casting, I've got nothing...

I think I just may have to go back into that store and ask to speak to the manager.  I mean someone has to ask this man what makes him believe for one second that it is acceptable to package these horrific looking things and allow them to reside in the meat counter along side the other meats being sold. I, for one, need some clarification.

Yes...that's what I need to do...I'll just march right on up to the customer service counter and go all Ding Ding Ding on the little bell there. I will begin by asking him if he's lost his mind.  When that renders him speechless, and I'm sure it will, I'll just let him know that I'm pretty sure there is some form of a health law that prohibits the cohabitation of food fit for consumption and this whole animal feet thing that he's got going back in the meat department.

The chance that he will insist that he has the legal right to continue to sell them isn't lost on me and so I have a solution for that too.  I'm going to strongly suggest that he have some human decency and place a sign on the meat counter stating that anyone desiring animal parts, not fit for consumption should speak with him, as they are available upon request...

Don't get me wrong.  I can certainly appreciate many of the small town attributes, but Seriously people...Chicken feet???  There must be a law....

Lipstick/Gloss...A Personal Discovery

The other day, I picked my purse up, and realized it's weight was akin to a ton of bricks. I stopped then and there, and decided I had to go through it and investigate the situation.

I began removing things and putting the like items together. As I was doing this I realized that every other item that I took out was either a tube of lipstick or lip gloss. At first this wasn't all that alarming to me because I knew I had a several tubes...I love to gloss up.

Anyway, as I continued to work, the pile of lip gloss and lip stick grew and grew....I began to fear at that point that I may possibly have an addiction in the form of lip wear...

When I had completed the process I looked around at the piles of items. There were two bottles of perfume, glasses, (sun and reading), there were keys, a wallet, and a cosmetic bag....and there was the lipstick/gloss collection...Oh yes..without a doubt it was a collection...

The pile of lipstick/gloss was so large that I just had to count them. As the number grew I had to face the truth. The potential for addiction was no longer a possibility. It was a harsh reality. Not counting what was in my cosmetic bag, I had 37 lipsticks/glosses in my purse. I was seriously stunned. I thought.. Oh Snap!! There are 37!! Really?? Clearly had uncovered the weight issue my purse had.

Now I know that I am not the only addict of this sort and others like me might even understand an excess of lip wear, but 37???

The, number, albeit large, is not the only problem with this "collection". The next step for me was to take inventory. Before inventory, I thought that I might be able to justify the situation by saying that everyone needed a variety of lipstick/gloss in their purse because you never know what color you might need.

Post inventory I realized that I had a variety alright. There was, Mac, Clinique, Loreal, Chanel, Bobbi Brown, Revlon, and the list goes on.. Let me just say the brand name was where the variety factor stopped cold. My inventory revealed that of the 37 one was a clear lip plumper, which no woman should be without, another was a Red lipstick for occasions when I happen to have my sassy pants on, and the remaining 35 were each and everyone Nude in color.

At this point I had to ask myself if I had some deep seeded fear that there will be a massive run on Nude lipstick/gloss and it will no longer be available?

During the time that I sat there trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I had unearthed an addiction that I was completely oblivious to, I remembered something that had happened just a few short weeks earlier.

It was a week before Christmas, and my Mama called me. She said "Arlene, I have just about finished buying your Christmas presents, but I wanted to get you something else. Is there anything you can think of that you want?"

I answered, of course, with Mama don't get me anything else. You shouldn't have gotten me anything at all. Then in true Mama form, she responded with "I'm buying you something else so you might as well tell me what you want."

Well, you'll never guess what I said next..

My response? "Okay Mama. Just get me some "Nude" lip gloss from the Clinique counter....I mean crack up!! Thank God my Mama listened to me, because Lord only knows what I would have done if she hadn't. Y'all know I needed one more so that it could dwell in my purse among the other 35 I already had.

This recollection was just so ridiculous that not only did I laugh at myself, I had to share it.

Now, I want you all to know, so that you can sleep better tonight, I did scale back the number that made it back into my purse. I think it now hovers somewhere around the 25 mark...

I know you are thinking that the number could have been lower, but I've already explained that the clear lip plumper and the red lipstick are a must....I mean you always want your lips to be all plumped up and Sassy can come on when you least expect it...

That being said..Y'all can see that as far as elimination goes, I have done the best that I can.....