Friday, December 25, 2009

"Plotting Against Him? I Stand Accused"

My husband is very dependent on me when it comes to certain things. Saying that really is a polite way of saying that he is like having another child. I think somewhere along the way he was misled into believing that taking a wife meant getting a second Mother and relocating.

I don't suppose I can be to upset with the fact that he grew up believing this, I mean after all, I was misled myself. I saw Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty at the Fox Theatre when I was a little girl, and I bought Walt Disney's whole Princess marrying her Prince, glass slipper wearing, life's loaded with romance, bunch of mess completely.

These days, I understand the fact that Walt Disney needed a kick right square in it for misleading small children, and I have spent a good deal of time trying to help my husband overcome the fact that he no longer lives with his Mother. I will tell you he's having a bit more trouble understanding that concept, than I am getting over the whole fairytale thing.

To be perfectly honest, I am partially to blame for his dependence on me. I began taking care of him when we were only dating. I spent my days off from work doing his laundry, cleaning his bedroom, and making his lunch or going out to get him something while he slept all day. Three years later, when we were married, I wanted to be the best wife anyone ever had, so I continued to run around doing every little thing that I could for him.

Well, good job me! All this managed to do was spoil him beyond repair. He's 48 years old now, and I'm still doing all of these things and more. The reason I have this on my mind is because he recently said something I couldn't believe, not even coming from him.

One of the things that I do for him is put his medication into his little pill container for him to take each day. Well, a couple of weeks ago I was so busy that I decided that he was grown and could take care of it himself.

Do you think that he bothered to read the labels on the pill bottles, and take what he needed each day? I mean you would think that he would, considering that he is a diabetic and a heart patient(both of which can be life threatening) but no, he most certainly did not.

My husband chose another route. The same one my children take. It's called blame the wife and mother. It's the one where all things are traced back to being completely my fault. It's quite a bit like the Kevin Bacon game, and let me just say that they are all really good at it. Their ability to make everything my fault amazes me at times.

Okay, so back to the medication thing. This man went several days without taking any medication whatsoever, and then he comes into the living room one day and looks at me and says, very seriously, "I know what you're doing". I said "Excuse me?" He said "I know why you didn't put my pills in the container".

I just looked at him and said "Okay, let's hear it. I can't wait". He said "It's because you are plotting to kill me". I looked at him as if he had lost his mind, and I said "Are you serious right now?" He said "I don't know, you might be".

Well, Crack up! A grown man not taking his own medication, because he has chosen to remain oblivious to what those medications even are, and how they are suppose to be taken, was actually standing before me saying that I was plotting to kill him.

There was only one response that I could give him. I looked at him just as seriously, and I said "My God, you have figured it out. You are an absolute genius! I should have known, with all of your experience as a Detective, I never had a chance."

I must have been insane thinking that he was going to do what he needed to do on his own. The minute we were done with the conversation about it, I went and put his medication in the pill box for him.

Lord... if he doesn't take it and he dies my children could trace it all straight back to me and the empty pill box. I hear you can't have perfume, nail polish or cosmetics in prison, and to tell you the truth I'm just not willng to take that kind of a chance...like I said, they are all really good at it.

I can just see the headlines now: "Dick Tracy Dies When Second Mother Refuses To Organize Medications In Pill Box"....No..I'd just better not risk it....
 
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