"Date Night, Seriously?"

Recently I have heard many of my friends talking about having "date night" with their spouses. I think that it is wonderful that couples are making time to be alone with each other.

One day last week I decided that I would approach my husband with this idea. I most definitely felt like we could benefit from it. I say this for reasons like the fact that we haven't been to a movie theater since Clinton was president, and I kid you not, when we did go, he skipped a seat between us.

The last time we were out together in a restaurant where they didn't ask if you'd like fries with that was about two years ago, and he was wearing his pajama pants....I'm just saying someone could put forth a little more effort in the romance department.

I had a pretty good idea about what kind of response I was going to get from him, but I just had to try, and... I was so right. He looked right at me and said "Date night? Why do I need to take you out on a date? We've been married for twenty something years." You would have thought I had asked him to bring about world peace.

I could tell immediately that he was both confused and astonished by the fact that some married couples not only do this, but that they actually want to do it. The entire subject was over his load.

I realize that my husband is living in a state of marital bliss. I know this to be true because everything we do revolves around him and his likes and dislikes. He is well taken care of and he is spoiled beyond repair. Given all of this, why in the world would I expect him to be able to grasp the concept of a date night? Pure insanity on my part..I'm so certifiable I should actually be walking around with papers.

A couple of weeks ago, he met some friends of his for lunch, during which time, he decided to seek some form of clarification on this whole date night concept from a males point of view. When I came in from work that day, he told me that he had spoken with them about it. Imagine his surprise when some of them actually said that they have a date night with their spouses.

One of his friends actually gave him suggestions on how to make a date night less painful. One thing that he suggested to my husband was that he plan the night around something that he would actually want to do, and just not let me know what he had done, then we would both be happy.

Evidently this all sounded like to much work for my husband, because he didn't even attempt it. He just waited until I got home from work and told me about the suggestions that he had been given, while wearing a very large grin....

The fact that he told me everything was one big "the brick house just fell in" clue that he had no intention of ever implementing any such plan.

The same friend also told him that a romantic thing to do could be as simple as picking me a flower from the yard on his way in the house.....I have to admit that sounds very sweet, and I would have been very touched by it.

I've long been over the idea that he may actually contact a florist and send flowers..Lord the last time I received roses it was 1982, and we were dating. I called to thank him and told him how beautiful they were, and he said, "I didn't send you flowers."

.. it turns out they were from my stalker..who was later removed from my place of employment by security, and told never to return. This story is just one example of why the rational side of me understands that I will get a flower from the yard when there is a snow cone machine in Hell that is in full operation.

I'm not sure if the problem my husband has is his lack of desire to put forth the effort to be romantic, if he thinks it's a ridiculous waste of energy, or if I just need to hand him a Webster's dictionary with a post-it note on the front that says define romance, so that he will look it up...

Whatever the reason, the bottom line for me is that my date nights are over, and I just need to gain acceptance of that fact...

I'll continue to be grateful that he keeps me laughing and that we have an easy relationship in which we love each other...

....but in the romance department, there are two words that describe my husband, "Train Wreck"...