She Doesn't Cook For Me: The Back Story

    Steve loves to tell everyone that I don't cook.  His go to one liner is "She doesn't cook for me." He neglects to tell the back story,and so for that reason, I'm going to do it here,  just to clear things up.

     Years ago, when we hadn't been married very long, I would rush home from work to cook dinner.  I'd have it on the table when he walked in the door from work.  He was a detective at the time and got home around 5:30 on most days.

     Now when I say I had dinner ready I don't mean ready as in it's on the stove,make you a plate and sit down.  Not even close.  I mean I had the table set.  Linen table cloth on the table,folded linen napkins, meat on a platter, vegetables in bowls, Ice in glasses, and the tea pitcher there for refills.

     I did my best to mimic my Granny's table on a Sunday afternoon after church. I wanted to be the best wife that I could be and I felt like making dinner and having it ready for him was part of that.

     Well, as it turns out, I was an overachiever. Steve came in the door one day and said the words that he would regret for years.  He looked at the dinner table and he said "I am so sick and damn tired of dinner hitting me in the face when I walk in the door." I don't think my feelings have ever been hurt that badly in my life. I just looked at him, and then a bit of anger crept in to accompany my hurt feelings. I said only one thing..."That won't ever be a problem again Dick Tracy.”

     I'm not sure if he thought I was kidding and would just chalk it up to him having a bad day or
not, but if he thought that I was going to just let that little comment go, he was sadly mistaken. I mean he had a problem, and I am a problem solver.

     The next evening when he came walking in the door he was staring at a table that was as empty as a water bucket in a drought.  I mean I had even moved the flowers from the center of the table for effect.  You could have heard a pin drop.  He was so shocked and confused he couldn’t have found his rear end with both hands in his back pockets.

     I don't remember how long it took me to cook for him again, but when I finally did it was
greatly appreciated. I still cook every now and then ,but it was so rare at first that his Mom even noticed. She stopped by one day and had brought me two oven mitts that matched the Waverly Rose pattern I had in my kitchen at the time. She asked me if that was my pattern and I said it was and asked her if  she saw them again would she pick me up a couple more. I said I would like to have them for back ups in case I burn or scorch one. She said "R, you have to cook something to burn something.".

    Quite a bit of time had passed since Steve's "Great" remark, and I almost felt bad that she'd noticed I wasn't cooking very much.  Notice I said almost.  My feelings had been hurt that day so badly that I just couldn't embrace the guilt.

     We laugh about it now, but I still rarely cook.  I mean seriously. I said he wouldn't have to worry about dealing with dinner being in his face again and I meant it. What kind of wife would I be if I put him through that again? Bless his heart..

   



   



   

Daddy's Humor...None Like It

     Today is the anniversary of my Daddy's leaving this Earth for Heaven.  I woke up and started 

crying the way I have the last few years on this date.. I was sitting in tears and then I began to roll the film in my mind of memories that I have of him. Many of them include his hilarious sense of humor.   

I thought it would be much better to write about some of those times than to cry buckets all day.  

Write is what I did.  I want to share some of my memories with you here and I hope they 

make you smile.....

On one occasion, back in the 90's Daddy stopped by my house and I just happened to be outside getting my mail.  He got out of his truck and we were talking.  I was barefooted and had on a toe ring. He looked down at my foot and back up at me, and he said "Damn sugar,  He's got you banded like a homing pigeon." (In reference to my husband, of course).

There was another time when my mom had an accident and wrecked her car.  She had repeatedly hit deer, because she lived in the country and so this was like the 3rd time at least. We were standing outside at my sister's and she looked at Daddy and said "Do you think you can fix blah blah blah." whatever it was on her car, (I can't recall now) and he looked at her so seriously and he said "I tell you what to do sugar.  Get you a crash helmet and paint double zero on the side."  I cracked up.

Another time that came to mind was when I was a teenager.  My twin sister Darlene had a 1968 

Camaro and she earned herself one ticket after the other for running the same exact stop sign 

near our house.  I was with her one day and she got pulled over at the same stop sign and she 

received ticket number 3, I believe it was.  We pulled up at home and Daddy was outside in the yard.  Darlene got out of the car yellow paper in hand and he just looked at her.  She walked up to him (I was spectating, of course) and he said "What did you get that one for?" She told him it was for the same stop sign and the look on his face priceless.

He said "Dolly.  Do you see that sign up there on the corner?  She said "Yes sir I do.".  He said "what does it say?"   She said "Stop."  he said "Okay, now go out back to the shed and get a shovel and then you and your sister go on over there and dig up that stop sign and bring it home with you, because it's yours.  You bought and paid for it.".  Love him!!

One Day he was riding down to my mom's with her for something, and they were on a desolate road and came upon a house where a man was sitting on his porch.  He waved to them as they passed by.  My mom said "See  how friendly everyone is here?" Daddy replied with "Friendly, Hell, he's just glad to see somebody.". 

I was at Daddy's house one day and we were standing on his driveway.  My cell phone rang and I said this thing has rang all day, and it's driving me nuts.  He said "That ain't no problem sugar, just lay it right down there under the back tire of Daddy's  truck , because that's what I fixin' to do with mine and I'll just back over 'em and crush 'em.

When his Mama passed he was devastated.  He loved her very much and understandably, the day of her funeral was very hard for him.  When we were done at the cemetery one of my Aunts said that her church had prepared food and another said that hers had, and that after everyone had gone and had something to eat, they were going to meet back at my grandmothers house.  They were going to look at her pictures and share memories. I walked up to Daddy and I said "Daddy are you going to do all those things with them?"  He said "Hell no, I'm going to the house.  They're taking the shit on tour."  I cracked up again...My Daddy 

was who he was.

After thinking about all of these stories and so many more I realized that what my Daddy was doing was teaching me to laugh in adversity and what a precious gift that has been for me.  A survival tactic. 

Today I just want to say that his lesson has really come in handy. Remembering him and the way he handled things reminded me to laugh and to survive....

Thank you Daddy for all the laughs and for drying my tears from such a great distance on a day that is so very hard for me....

I love you always....