Monday, May 13, 2013

Looking Like A Train Wreck? Mama Ain't Having It


Life has it's hills and valleys for everyone, and recently I have been in a valley. Okay, it's more like a crevice the size of the Grand Canyon. Let's just say that we, at my house, have been experiencing some personal issues of the sort that would cause interruption in anyone's marital bliss. My husband and I had a few words (were in a huge fuss actually, but my Granny always thought having words sounded so much nicer)and I decided that I would just bolt. I'm over it and I was leaving, so I grabbed my purse and keys, slid on my flip flops, stormed out the door, got in my car and went right to see my Mama.

On my way to Mama's house, I had a chance to cool down, and as my temper began it's decline, I began to take a closer look at the fashion statement I was making. It took me about five seconds to ascertain that it was not a good one. I discovered that in all of my anger, and with my "I'll show him attitude", I had chosen to enter the public needing a shower, wearing an Old t-shirt, yoga pants, no make-up, with naturally curly hair going straight crazy, in flip flops and wearing no bra...Oh yeah..Lookin' goooood.

The rational side of myself knew good and well that when my Mama saw me she was going to have a hissy fit, but I just had to keep going. I needed her. I was in personal crisis. So, knowing full well that my appearance resembled that of a complete and total train wreck, and that in my mother's book there was no excuse to justify being in such a state, I did not turn my car around. I had to have me some Mama can make it all better time.

I walked in the back door and Mama was standing in the kitchen. Just as soon as she saw me her assessment began. I could see it in her eyes. Before she could say anything I said, "I know Mama, and I'm going to take a shower". Well, Mama left the kitchen, and I got sidetracked talking to my twin sister, who was also there. I poured myself a cup of coffee and began eating a chocolate chip cookie, the size of my head, and before I knew it, I had put the shower on the back burner

About two bites into my cookie my Mama made a reentry into the kitchen and she said "Arlene, I thought you were getting in the shower. I put a towel and some clothes in the bathroom for you.". You see, train wreck that I was my Mama wasn't having "sidetracked". I answered her with "I am Mama, but I needed a snack and some coffee". She said "Well get done with it and go and get your shower."
Needless to say I gave her a "yes ma'am" and emerged from the shower about 20 short minutes later, feeling much better than when I arrived.

I headed right back into the kitchen for more coffee and conversation. Mama was there waiting for me. She had a few reminders for me about "not letting myself go"...She said "Arlene, you cannot let yourself go around looking a mess. People will talk." I said "Mama, I am in personal crisis" and she said "Personal crisis is no excuse for not taking care of yourself.". "You can't just leave the house looking all undone". I guess it's safe to assume Mama isn't buying that whole flip flops are the glass slippers of the south concept.

She looked at me again and she said "come on", and she motioned for me to follow her down the hall. I asked her where we were going and she said back to the bathroom. You hair has dry ends. She began pulling every hair care product known to man out from under the sink and putting them on the counter. She picked one up and said "Cup your hand". I said what is this and she said it's leave in conditioner and you need it. Cup your hand. Then there was another one that followed and I said what's this for and she said just rub your hands together and work it through your hair. I was doing as I was told, and she said no, not that way, Look down, and then go back to front, back to front...She left me then with two round brushes, a regular hairbrush, and instructions to dry my hair.

When I came out she said now just look how shiny your hair is, and doesn't it smell good. I said yes ma'am it sure does and thank you. When she was satisfied that I looked at least halfway presentable, we went back to the kitchen for more coffee with my sister. When we sat down at the table, she looked right at me, and she said now, what brought you out of your house in such a discombobulated dither? I explained that I had literally ran out the door, telling my husband that I was leaving him for good.(As I said earlier, this valley was of Grand Canyon magnitude).

Now after declaring something of that much importance, you would think that Mama might ask me if we were getting a divorce or something along those lines, but no she did not. This woman knows how to prioritize. She said in her I'm afraid to ask tone, "Oh no Arlene, Did you get your pearls?". I just about cracked up. Instead I said "Mama, you might find this hard to believe, but no, I did not get my pearls.

As you might have guessed, Mama was horrified by the poor planning executed in my rapid departure. She just looked at me with this stunned expression on her face, and she said "Go and get your pearls".

After a few short minutes, I was able to calm her by giving her assurance that at some point, I would make a reentry and do so, with my priorities in order. I said, don't worry Mama, when I go back, I'll make a list and get the most important things in the house...Pearls, other jewelry, Blow dryer, hair brushes, make-up, perfume, lotion, actual shoes in place of the flip flops, and without question, a bra.

When I had given her the short list of important items that I intended to go and retrieve, said that I just couldn't believe that I had left without grabbing my pearls, told her that I knew that I really had to learn to keep it together even under the most tumultuous circumstances, because she had raised me better...She gave me that everything's going to be alright hug, told me that if I needed her for anything at all to just call her, or come back by, and I kissed her cheek.

As I headed out the door I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, and think how much I love my Mama...She is right, if you look your best, you feel better, and she is a firm believer in that theory. Later that evening I thought about our time together that day, and I called her and I recommended that she listen to Miranda Lambert's "Mama's Broken Heart". I said It reminds me of you and me. She said okay, she would listen to it.

I saw her again today, and I asked if she had heard the song. She said yes, that she had. I said well, do you think it sounds like us at all? She said "Oh Yes".. Mama has her standards, and her ladylike rules, and she makes no apologies for them. To be honest, after she fancied me up a bit, I did feel much better. As a matter of a fact, the next time I feel like my life is going to fall apart in some way, I'm not going to run...I'm just going to stop and take a page from my Mama's book.

I'm going to pull some personal maintenance..get a manicure and pedicure..apply my make-up...put on some extra lip gloss... curl my hair, and find an outfit in my closet that says I've got all this mess under complete control...

My Mama didn't raise me to be a train wreck....Thanks Mama...I love you...













 
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