Football: Coaches ...Y'all Listen Up!

Several years back , during my substitute teaching years, I accepted a job at a local high school where I  covered a gym class for a couple of weeks.  The first day,  I admit, even the process of  figuring out what to wear was a challenge.  After several outfit changes, I settled on a running suit, jacket left open, with a  matching t-shirt underneath.

I should have known I was in trouble when my daughter, a teenager at the time , had to tell me to “lose the pearls.”.  At any rate when I arrived I was informed that the class was made up of the football team and surprise, they were working on plays.

Football at the time was as foreign to me as sleeping in an igloo.   I had nothing.  The class began and they informed me that after attendance we went outside to “run plays”.

 That’s when one very vocal young man told me that I was to remain in the position of “Center” for the entire time.  I thought, well that makes sense.  I will be in the middle of everything and I can keep an eye on all of them.. So I said fine, you can show me what to do when we get outside.

As it turns out, the center is the one who hikes the ball and the quarterback places his hands right up between the Center’s legs so as not to fumble the ball.   Oh yeah…those kids had jokes.

At any rate, after those two weeks were done, I began to take a bit more interest in football and learning what it’s all about.  I watched more games and I even started a fantasy football league and have continued to do so every year.

These days I know quite a bit more than I did back in my “Center” days.  In fact, I have a few tips for the coaches out there….there are tips here for Coaches of teams of all ages , professional, college , high school, middle school and little league.

Y’all listen up…

Coaches of children…if it is 100 degrees outside or anywhere near that number, the children can’t run until they vomit and then be made to continue to run.  The body can only handle so much …heat strokes and worse have happened….take those babies inside and teach them about good sportsmanship, playbooks and the love of the game.

Offensive Coaches…if you are continuing to run the ball up the middle, and it’s NOT working…and I’m not talking about two or three plays. I’m talking about year after year, season, after season…You have another option (shocking, I know).  Put it in the air.  Pass it.  You can actually score this way…I’ve seen it done.  Some Coaches actually apply this tactic…but for the ones who don’t....Trust me..Try it.  If you are in a paid position you may actually keep your job. 

Defensive Coaches.. if your linemen are blocking like a bunch of high school girls during a powder puff football game, get new players…Send the old ones packing…you can’t make them want it.

All Coaches…This is an important one…If you are one of those that completely loses your cool on the sidelines after a bad play or call…Please know this…We, the fans, can see you....Whether we are there in the stands, or watching from the comfort of our home, and Crazy eyes are very unbecoming.  So get it together…look tough, not crazy…set your jaw and keep your game face on!

Coaches and Owners… In the case of the NFL players of all positions …if they aren’t getting the job done with what they get paid to do it,  then trust me when I tell you, there is someone else a little tougher and hungrier out there that will!!  Get your trade on.

Another tip for not only the NFL Coaches and Owners, but for the Commissioner…No one wants to watch criminals play football!!! If they are beating women, stealing things, or getting arrested for other reasons not listed here..brace yourselves…They CAN be replaced….People want to watch a football game played by respectable men, not a game that looks like a reality T.V. version of the longest yard.

I admit that I have a lot to learn about the game, and I’m working on that.  Who knows they may actually have women coaches in the NFL one day and I’ve got to be ready…

West Palm Beach With My Girls

I recently went on a trip with my twin sister and two of my best friends to spend time with another of our friends at her condo in West Palm Beach.  We had the car loaded down with suitcases containing clothes for all occasions, shoes, hair products, and every cosmetic known to man.

The road trip alone was so much fun.  We laughed and sang as loud as we could along with the radio, and we told lots of stories that began with remember when….

When we arrived at the Condo, the concierge (my friend lives fancy) came out with a rolling cart for our luggage and we were still singing and laughing. That night we all hugged, laughed, and remembered more, and then we paired up for bed and called it a night.

We spent the next few days entertaining ourselves and doing whatever our spirits moved us to do.  We ate great food in nice restaurants and we shopped from City Walk to Worth Avenue.  

While at City Walk, in an absolutely adorable candy shop, my twin sister stopped suddenly and began a Temptations style dance routine because My Girl was playing. I mean she was taking it around town, finger snapping and all...  Oh yes…video taken and posted.

We also made time for water fun and games.  Our trips to the beach were pretty much uneventful, unless you count the fact that on our way home we recorded ourselves singing Redneck Crazy “Wide open”, as my Daddy would say. Video taken, and posted.

As luck would have it, there is a hot tub and huge pool at my friends condo, which couldn’t go unvisited.

We pretty much behaved ourselves in the hot tub.  I’d call our time spent there group therapy.  We talked about our relationships, our children, and life in general.  We of course got nothing sorted out, but we felt better for having talked about it.  Truthfully, all I probably managed to do was confirm that I'm 3 bales of crazy.

Our time spent at the pool was a bit more entertaining.  I was sitting in my chair catching a few rays, when I noticed three of my friends out in the center of the pool having what looked like a rehearsal of sorts. I lowered my sunglasses and upon closer inspection I was able to ascertain that they were in fact choreographing moves for  what appeared to be a  dance...

As the scene unfolded It became clear to me that they had decided to go all Esther Williams on the situation and perform a synchronized swimming act. I have never seen so much arm waving and feet kicking in my life They were circling and moving there heads this way and that...All they needed were swim caps and matching suits...  Don’t you just know what I had to do…Yep…video taken and posted.

We were sitting around one evening putting on enough makeup to make Dolly Parton proud when we came up with the idea to gamble.   Hollywood, Florida... Hard Rock Casino.. Let’s hit it… Money was lost and money was won and we had yet again another great evening.

During that week we shared clothes, accessories, Makeup, and laughs.  With the all the fixing up and sharing of rooms we all saw each other in our birthday suits at one time or the other, which prompted discussions about body image and boob jobs  I’ve been considering one for quite some time now.  I felt one of my friends when we were getting dressed together, at her suggestion, of course, and feel even more sure that I’d like some of my own.  Friendship at it’s finest.

 I had a wonderful time that week and was reminded how very important those friendships are to me.  I love you all my dear sweet friends, and I hope that we find ourselves on a beach somewhere together again real soon…So work on your routines and charge your phones for video taping….I might call any day now and say “Road trip Ladies... It's go time!"

You are all forever in my heart…