"Boys Will Be Boys"

My granddaughter spends the night with me one or two times a week, and I take her to school on my way to work. She is six years old, and in the first grade. We always have conversations about how things are going in her life during our morning commute.

She tells me about everything from her parents and little brother, to her teacher and the other students in her class. We talk about things like fashion and academics, and sometimes even boys. I think that she feels very comfortable talking to me, and I love that. I am her Mimi, and that's how our relationship should be.

She tells me about some of the students having to "pull their cards", because they don't know how to behave. She also told me that she has never pulled a card, and she thinks that those who do pull them just don't want to learn. She told me that she loves school, but that some of her friends act like they hate it.

The conversations about things like "pulling cards" are the easy ones, but every now and then she'll say something that requires a little more thought on my part. That is exactly what happened one day last week.

We were riding along talking about her Dolce and Gabana Sunglasses, when all of the sudden, she said "Zach(not his real name)wants me to audition for him for American Idol."

She said "Not for real or anything, just pretend". I said "really". She said "Yes. He wants me to do it during recess." Then she said "He said I have to dance for him when I sing, because you have to dance and sing when you are a on American Idol."

Well that did it...I instantly became internally unglued. The nerve of this kid, asking my granddaughter to dance for him. I mean, who knows what he's seen on TV, or at home for that matter. There are poles on playgrounds for God's sake.

I had a few thoughts, none of which I could share with her, but some of which I will share here with you...

1. Not while I have a breath in my body will you be dancing "for" some boy during recess, or at any other time in your life.

2. Zach doesn't even know how to recognize that type of girl yet.

3. Zach is six years old and if he did see a girl who would dance for him, he doesn't have a job, money, or a clue on how to fold it..

4. Zach is most definitely headed for reform school.

After nearly running completely off the road and having to regain a steady heart rhythm, I told her simply that I didn't think that "auditioning" for Zach was a good idea at all. She instantly wanted to know why, and so I just told her that she is an amazing singer, and that she didn't need some silly little boy to verify that.

Then, remembering another conversation we had earlier in the year about a little girl in her class, (I'll call her Hope) saying that a little boy named Joe was "sexy", I said Maybe he can get Hope to audition for him.

She didn't understand my suggestion about Hope, but I had to let go with a little sarcasm somewhere. I needed the release.... I then told her that either way she wasn't to do it, and she assured me that she wouldn't.

As we pulled up in the car line at her school, I wished her a great day, told her that I loved her, and bit my tongue to keep from yelling at her little back "stay away from Zach and Hope", as she got out and walked inside.

As I drove away I couldn't help but wonder if Zach was just another example of kids growing up to fast these days, or if this was just a simple case of "boys will be boys".....

Either way, I'm just glad I had the opportunity to talk to my granddaughter about it all, before that little Hugh Hefner wannabe's first round of "auditions" began...

Lord have mercy on a Grandmother....

"Suitcase"

My husband and I watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond that was about a suitcase sitting on the staircase of their home. Debra, the wife, wanted Raymond, the husband, to take it upstairs.

She felt as if she did everything as far as work in the house went, and the least he could do was bring the heavy suitcase, that he had used, upstairs, and so the stand off began.

I am telling you all of this so that you can understand what has been going on in my house lately.

My husband works nights and I work days, therefore, we sleep on different shifts. When I wake up the bed linens are still intact, but every afternoon when he wakes up the top sheet is completely off the bed.

A couple of weeks ago I came in and saw the sheet up in the bed in a pile and made an announcement. I said that I was sick and tired of having to put that sheet back on the bed because he rips it off everyday so that his feet can remain uncovered...

I said "I have asked you again and again to just stick your feet out from the side of the sheet like everyone else who wants their feet uncovered while they sleep, but you just can't seem to get on board with that idea"...

I told him that he obviously hated the sheet and that was fine. The next thing I did was pick it up and drop it on the bench that sits at the foot of our bed. I said "You win...No More top sheet, because I'm not putting it back on the bed EVER!!" (This was quite a big deal for me because I do love the feel of the sheets on my bed) I then looked at him and said "We've got ourselves a suitcase!"

Well he just grinned like it was all cute because he was thinking that I would cool down and make the bed later that evening. It's what I normally do. Well ...not this time. It was hard at first, but day after day I looked at that sheet and kept right on moving. When I washed the sheets I just folded that one and right back on the bench it went..after that, I didn't touch it.

Finally one evening he said to me "Victoria (our granddaughter) is spending the night tonight so you're going to have to put the sheet back on the bed".

Well...That just flew all over me. "Going to have to"? I looked at him and I said "are you serious right now?" As usual he was still grinning...I said only one word after that ...."SUITCASE"...

Finally one afternoon I came in and he was standing there as proud of himself as a four year old boy would be who had just cleaned his room. He said "I put the sheet back on the bed"...

I was thinking at that moment that I knew if I waited long enough his obessive compulsive disorder which causes his strong need to have everything in it's place would wear him down, but what I said was congratulations, that's great. I am glad that you took care of it.

Then as I turned to leave the room, I said by the way, about all of those wet towels on our bathroom floor... go in and take a look at them. You should recognize them, because that's exactly who they belong to, you....

I left him with a parting shot..."Suitcase"...when I came back into the bathroom later that same night the towels were all gone from the floor......

No more suitcases at my house for now... It seems, for the time being at least, my husband is traveling light......