"Lady Like"

My mother was born in Atlanta, Georgia in the 1940's. My two sisters and I were born in Atlanta as well. My mother is a woman who was very consumed with teaching her daughters to be (and I quote) "lady like". Now the first thing that came to my mind when I heard her using the phrase "act like a lady" was the question, is she actually trying to teach us to become ladies or are we faking it? It didn't take me long to realize that we were most definitely not learning to fake it. She meant that we were going to be well mannered, graceful, and charming if it killed all three of us.

My mother expected us all three to learn the rules of being a lady. I have to confess that I was a willing participant as soon as I learned some of what becoming a lady involved. Here are some of the basic rules that my mother insisted were vital in any one's quest to become a lady:

1. Never use "filthy" or "vulgar" language.
2. Never forget to sit up straight.
3. Always cross your legs when you sit down.
4. All of your "outfits" must be well put together and matching.
5. Never ever be the only girl with a group of boys. (people will talk)
6. Never call a boy on the telephone. (It's simply not done".)
7. Never act as though you are brainless to impress a boy. (charm works
much better and you can still have "good sense")
8. Never listen to "if you loved me you would".
9. Never forget that "you are judged by the company you keep".
10. Keep your appearance neat, clean, and "pulled together" at all times.
("you never know who you might run in to.")
11. To much make-up will make you look "cheap", but leaving the house
after you reach a certain age without the right amount of it is close
to illegal.
12. "Be Sweet". ( This was said to me each and every time I started out the
door).
13. Don't wear white after labor day.
14. As soon as you are seated in a restaurant your gloves are to be removed
and placed with or inside your purse.
15. "Black is slimming".
16. Perfume is a must! (She has a signature scent).
17. Write thank you notes when you owe someone a thank you.

These are just a few of the rules off the top of my head but there were many more. Now my mother didn't just give you the rules and walk away. She was more than willing to stay close and help you implement them. My younger sister just listened and complied, my twin sister was driven absolutely insane by it all, while I ,on the other hand, loved every minute of it.
Lord, my favorite activity that being a lady required was shopping. My mother and my sisters, and I would go on "shopping trips" downtown that I still remember today. We would, of course, be dressed in our "Sunday best", which meant dresses with crinoline slips, patent leather shoes, matching purses, lace socks, white gloves adorned with little seed pearls, and sometimes a hat.
If I close my eyes I can still hear my shoes tapping on the sidewalk as I walked down the street toward Rich's department store. (I loved that sound)

We would shop all day and buy dresses and matching accessories and I would be in Heaven. The more packages I was carrying the happier I would be. Lunch would be at the "Magnolia Room" and we would go home exhausted, but it was such a wonderful exhaustion for me.

I loved everything about being a little girl and I love everything about being a lady. I have a huge collection of handbags, and more bracelets than you could begin to imagine. If it bangles, jangles, sparkles, or has a pearl in, on, or around it I think I have to have it. Another thing that I can't get enough of are vintage ladies handkerchiefs. The kind with the lace and the flowers all over them. I keep one in my purse at all times (sprayed with just a little perfume, of course). As far as I am concerned they are an absolute necessity. They serve several purposes, such as; making the inside of your purse smell nice, being there for you to "dab" your neck or brow should you find yourself in a situation that causes you to become overheated, or if God forbid , you find yourself in tears. I also think that heels, perfume, and make-up are all fabulous things.


Needless to say, I was a wonderful student for my mother's teachings. Some of the other rules that have just popped into my mind were rules concerning manners. She would say things like "don't forget to say yes ma'am and no ma'am, and yes sir and no sir. Never chew with your mouth open, "it's beyond rude", and "no elbows on the table". "Napkins in your laps", and absolutely no silliness while you are suppose to be eating". We were at the dinner table for eating and mannerly conversation, period.

Some of these things may make my mother sound harsh but she wasn't like that at all. These things that she taught me were just things she really believed in and I treasure the knowledge of them today, because as an adult woman I agree with her. I think all of her rules were very important in helping mold me into the lady that I am today.

I feel so fortunate and so blessed that my mother taught me these things. I wish more mothers spent more time on the rules of "lady like" these days. I work in a high school and some of the things that I have heard come out of girls mouths as well as some of the things they wear and the actions that they display are unbelievable.

Many women may not agree with me, but I feel like being a lady is totally separate from being a successful woman. I think that you can be a very successful woman without having that harsh edge that completely takes your femininity away. Being a lady does not mean that you are, as I have said earlier, brainless. It just means that you know how to behave. My ideas are not neanderthal. I do agree with equal rights and I do believe that women can perform most of the same jobs as men, but I also believe that they are still ladies and should act accordingly.

I believe men actually appreciate a "lady" when they meet one, and I think that they usually remember her. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but as for me, I'll take "lady like" all day long........ If a gentlemen holds a door for me, or shows chivalry towards me in any manner, I would never dream of being offended. I would simply be pleased that he recognized me as a lady, and of course, I would say "thank you"...........

Thank you Mama for raising me with your rules, manners and ladylike lessons...What a gift....

I love you beyond words!