"Random Thoughts"

I feel as if I just turned around one day and I was suddenly 45 years old and a grandmother. Don't get me wrong, I love being a grandmother and a mother as well. I have two wonderful children that I am very proud of and an amazing granddaughter and grandson. I don't regret a single minute of my life thus far. I know that I am very blessed.

I think it's just that suddenly I find myself in a position to once again think about myself as a person and not only a mom and a wife. I just find it odd that now that I could do more things for me I haven't the first clue what it is that I want to do. I am a different person now that I'm over forty. I don't spend as much time worrying about what other people think and I finally understand that everyone is not going to like me and I'm actually okay with that.

I think that I express my opinion more now and I feel like my husband and children often think that this means I'm in a bad mood. They are all so use to my compliance with whatever goes on. I don't feel the need to keep peace as much as I feel the need to be heard. The problem is that I have been mostly quiet with my opinions and needs for so long that I'm not sure they are willing to hear me now. It's like turning 40 came with some power to express my feelings more openly, or maybe it was just pure need. I know that it did come with no need for apologies where none should be given.

I feel pretty good about the person that I am and I know that the days will come and go and I'll probably keep doing the same things that I've always done most of the time, but I do hope that as I age I remember to shake things up a bit now and then........dance in the rain; stay home from work because I want to; kiss more and be kissed more; and say I love you every chance I get...........